2 Projects in the office. Must be done by August.
I need to rest.
Too much freelance work.
Not much done.
Need to find center and balance.
Yoga? Yes…well, not really.
I need to practice healthy sleeping and eating habits.
I wonder if mom’s doing well.
I wonder if my father’s happy.
I think I want spaghetti. With a lot of cheese.
I also need to finish reading all the books and comics I bought last year!
What? I’ve only had 1 glass of water today? Why??
Wait…what?


I’ve been feeling a bit more tired than usual these past couple of weeks. Too tired to enjoy my time with friends. Too tired to finish anything I start. Too tired to focus on my work. Too tired to concentrate on anything I do. Too tired to enjoy a quiet afternoon at my favorite coffee shop. Too tired to enjoy resting. Just too tired.

I tried working on the one-shot comic project, but none of the scenes in the script were making their way to my once-very creative mind. I tried relaxing while watching TV. Perhaps this will help me get back on track, or so I thought. But stress level shot up even more. Nothing I did to help relax my mind worked. Not even sniffing the invigorating aroma of a freshly brewed cup of coffee. I know caffeine drinks would make me feel more restless but taking the scent of coffee in has always relaxed me. Lately, everything I did would just irritate me. I could barely concentrate on work. The laughter I shared with my friends over something so trivial used to linger for a long time, but up ‘til recently, I’ve been having a hard time being “in the moment”. Nothing I did would excite me anymore.

A friend of mine saw how restless I’ve become.
He said I was probably just too tired, living a very hectic life in this fast-paced world. That maybe I just need to stop. STOP. Something I never really thought of doing. I tried slowing down, and only ended speeding up more. STOP. I tilted my head and gazed at him in unreserved astonishment. How could the solution have been so simple yet so elusive?

Ever since my mom was diagnosed with cancer and my father diagnosed with chronic infidelity, I started busying myself with a lot of things. Most of it, church work. I’d give most of my time and financial resources to a youth organization at our church. If I wasn’t busy with that, I was drawing my brains out, trying hard to be a photographer, taking on too much freelance work or sneaking in a ton of gimmick time with my friends. I was in denial. The possibility of things becoming too much for me to handle never dawned on me until I started getting frequent headaches, was almost always sick, and had erratic eating and sleeping habits again. When my friend asked me to just stop everything altogether for just one day, I did and I started feeling really tired. Never, in my entire life as a young adult, have I felt as physically drained as I was that day.

I slept at 8PM.
I wasn’t sick. I was just so physically and mentally drained.

And when I woke up on Saturday morning, I have never felt so rested in my entire life! For the past few months, I’ve been aboard a speeding vehicle, not minding the blur of everyone and everything around me. The little heart-warming moments, the uncontrollable laughter, the unspeakable secrets that delight the heart…I was never really there to appreciate them. I was everywhere…and nowhere.

And then I stopped. I stopped and saw the street, the sidewalk, and the people bustling about. And I started to appreciate how beautiful my life is, once more.

Last Sunday, some friends dropped by and I never realized how much I really missed them. I missed out on so much!

Now, I am back on track and everything around me is quite vivid. Once they start becoming blurry, I will surely remember to slow down and just enjoy the ride.